


judge my sins

by winchestered_again



Series: One Shots [24]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Crack, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lesbian Brooke Lohst, Post-Canon, Screenplay/Script Format, all the tik toks are from my fyp, also, bc why not, i don't know what qualifies as a crack fic, ig, implied enby brooke, implied stagedorks, most of it at least, obviously, rich and jake live together trope, you can tell who my favorites are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchestered_again/pseuds/winchestered_again
Summary: when ur stuck in quarantine and decide the best thing to do is to reenact tik toks
Relationships: Everyone & Everyone
Series: One Shots [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1319948
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	judge my sins

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: squip squad in quarantine 
> 
> i did my best™
> 
> tik toks referenced: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KplygzlSjZuWfmGAiW-SXYq9uQU38yMGtBMJjM5JO2k/edit?usp=drivesdk

Brooke: I need a six-letter word for disappointment

Michael: Jeremy

[Jeremy looks up from something off-screen, confused]

[Brooke turns slowly to face Michael, looking angry]

Brooke: You ready to fucking die?

[Michael quickly disconnects]

~

Rich: By no one's fucking request, here are the top five most fuckable fast food mascots

[an arm is seen, pulling rich off-screen, and christine's voice is heard]

Christine: no!!!

~

[empty screen, then a door is kicked open and Brooke appears]

Brooke: Hello! Thank you for listening as I kick down your door.

Brooke: due to COVID-19, gender has been canceled, now go be whoever the fuck you want to be

Brooke: goodbye

~

[ Christine pulls a laptop on-screen, a PowerPoint pulled up]

Christine: broadway character's body counts, we are starting with dear evan hansen characters, let's go

[the invisible camera turns to jeremy, who, as usual, looks like a lovesick puppy, the camera pans and everyone else seems amused]

Christine: let's be honest with ourselves, we have an entire cast of virgins

[assorted laughter]

Christine: but we all love an emo boy, so connor gets ten

[ computer shows a slide with mike faist and a side caption with "*eggplant emoji*10 - infinity *sweating emoji*"]

[the slide changes to a picture of ben platt]

Christine: evan has small pp energy so-

[more laughter]

Christine: look, I know you want to bone ben platt-

[nothing else can be heard over the laughter]

~

[the doofenshmirtz theme plays, jake appears]

Jake: this is for perry you semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action ass bitch, why you took me off the motherfucking schedule with your trifling duck-billed, beaver-tail, you turquoise bitch, fedora-wearing ass bitch, I am coming up there and I am going the beat the fuck out of you

Rich, from far away: yeah!

~

Jenna: raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

[christine looks excited and is about to join in]

Jenna: eating the rich cause they're all fucking chickens

[christine: *visible confusion*]

Jenna: punching the racists and stealing their rings, these are a few of my favorite things

~

Michael: lightsabers are cool but you can't really use its tip to tilt your opponent's chin up homoerotically, so like, what's the point?

[the invisible camera pans to brooke, who is nodding gravely in agreement]

~

Jeremy: do you ever get water hungry?

[a couple of snickers]

Chloe: Do you mean thirsty?

Jeremy: no, water hungry

Michael, under his breath: dammit jeremy

~

Rich: lmao 

Rich: this shit hilorius

Rich: hilarius

Rich: fuck this, the big laugh

[everyone dies]

~

Jake: what's the word for horny but not in a sexual way like I'm horny for halloween but I don't want to fuck a pumpkin you feel

Christine, confused: do you mean excited?

Jake, visibly lighting up: yeah!

~

Jeremy: let perry the platypus say fuck

[multiple agreements]

~

Michael: I can't use the bathroom when there are people in my house because I need the freedom to lock myself in there for half an hour without them getting worried

Jenna: why do you need half an hour

Michael: sometimes I need a moment for myself

[a pause with assorted snickers]

Michael: this was about being sad in the bathroom NOT jacking off

[everyone is clearly dying]

~

Jeremy: I kinda need a hug but I'd rather DIE [a hand enters and drops out of the frame quickly, a loud bang is heard] than let anyone know I am a human being that desperately craves intimacy

Brooke, softly: are you okay?

~

Brooke: when I was a kid I would be like "ew boys" and my mom would say "darling, someday you'll like boys" but congratulations mom I'm a lesbian so ew boys

[assorted clapping]

~

Rich: I'll be rating how hard classic books slap

[rich picks up a book, showing it to the camera]

Rich: first up, the great gatsby

[the book is thrown and jake mysteriously falls off-screen, a couple of laughs are heard]

Rich: this one gets a six out of ten, it was pretty thin, but the flexibility gave me some leverage. next up, pride and prejudice

[the book now in his hand is also thrown, and jake goes right back down]

Rich: two out of ten. it's short, stocky, and does not leave any damage

[there are a couple of suspicious looks thrown toward jake, the others are too busy laughing]

Rich: finally, gone with the wind

[and with the last one, jake has given up trying to get back up]

Rich: ten out of ten, perfect, hardcover, and will definitely leave bruises thank you for your time

[assorted clapping, jake puts a thumbs-up on-screen]

~

Jake: i don't know how long we've been in quarantine, but it must have been pretty damn long for me to get a horn online and wait for it to ship, and install it, just to have my car say bruh to me

[the camera is now facing a car outside an open window]

Car: bruh

~

Jenna: that's what happens when you're hopped up on NyQuill™, you almost massacre a snowman family

~

Michael: frogs aren't gay, they're just open to new things

~

Jeremy: since the earth is constantly rotating, are we not in some way, god's rotisserie chickens?

[various nods from everyone]


End file.
